• He is “the man” so we named him He Man
  • I have the Power of Grayscall.
    • I don’t use it much because it results in you standing there in nothy but your underware holding your powerful sward, and this is a little embarisiong
    • But it is nice to know it is there
  • Some people like red skull, black shinny skulls, or blue skulls, but non of them how the power of grey scull, and I prefer functionality over appearance.
  • He’s the man
  • WHos the man
  • Heman is the man

Ring of Fire

  • I fell into a ring of fire
    • Which kind of burned as you would expect fire to do
  • I went down down down and the flaims went higher
    • Possibly as a result of them feeding off by burning cloths and arm hair
  • It burns burns burns that ring of fire
    • Fire burning being a fairly obvoicse fact but one that seems to stick in your mind as you fall down down down into the burning ring of fire.
  • My recommendation is not falling into rings of fire if at all possible and if you do end up falling int a ring of fire, aming sure it is a substantially large ring that you can sit in comfortably without risk of being burned
    • You may also want to make sure there is some point of exit for further travel reasons.

Multiple Choice Question

  • The name is wrong
    • Teachers say multiple choice questions like it will be easy. “Don’t worry it is just a multiple choice question test”
    • There are multiple answers and only one choice. If there were really multiple choices it would be easy, even if you keep the multiple answers.

William the Warless

  • If he were here he would:
    • Consume the English like a tiny mino fish
    • Destriy the English with his mighty tucks
    • Flatten the English with is large blubber belly.

What are you talking about Willace

  • Willace just rambles.
  • Can’t understand a word he says

Here we go, here we go, here we go now

  • A) Here we go here we go here we go now
  • B) Where are we going?
  • A) it dosen’t matter, we are just going, yo
  • B) wouldn’t we spent our time more wisely if we had some kind of destination
  • A) No! Yo! Now get ready, because here we go here we go here we go now
  • B) I’m tired of constantly going for no apparent reason.
  • A) If you say Here we Go with enough emotion and authority you don’t need a reason, destination, or any purpose, YO. HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO NOW !!!
  • B) Don’t that annoy people after a while
  • A) People love it Yo! Here we go.

Gone with the wind

  • The story about a fart
  • She wanted to watch “gone with the wind”
  • I say, who want to watch a story about a fart?
  • She then said it was a musical, as if that made it more appealing.

That is Au Inspiring

  • A) That is Aw (like ausome) inspiring
  • B) What, did you see a cute puppy? 
  • A) What, no
  • B) Because puppies may me go aww.

I was looking to really impress people and instead I got people to react as if they saw a cute little puppy.

You Sir are the tird of a bass – Otherwise known as a Baseterd

  • I’m not sure why the terds of basses are more insulting then other animal turd, but I believe they are, I want to be clear that you are the lowest for of animal terd, a basterd.

I’m dead serios

I’m like as serios as death.

Because death is like really serios and that is how serios I am right now.

When death is talking to you, you listen, because death is serios.

I don’ have the pitch for or whatever death carries but I’m total on an equal level with regards to seriousness right now; death seriousness!

I don’t care about nothing

I don’t care about nothing eather, unless I’m doing some kind of zen thing. Usually my carring is about things rather then nothing

I heard some guy ranting “I don’t care about nothing.”

People said he was crazy or a nialalist. I fond nothing remarkable about the statement, exept that it is very obvoise.

Most people don’t care about nothing but about something; at the least some perceived thing.

I don’t care about nothing eather unless I’m tring to meditate on it.

I See. Do you need a Jacket

  1. I see
  2. Do you want my jacket
  3. Why
  4. You said you were icy. It seems like a exaggeration to me given the temperature but . . .

For Gods Sake. That is very Dramatic. I don’t think God really care about this particular problem

You, Sir, are unkind

  • You sir, are unkind
  • You are lacking in kindess
  • You are therefore kindLESS
  • I do not approve or associate with kinkless people

That is not profound but amaturefound

Why does it matter if an amiter found it.

Wish I could say that my congratulation of in order but they are out of order

Wish I could say that congratulations were order.

However, I have a hole lot of congratulations, and they sertainly not in any particular order, so I plan on just shotgunning them out randomly. Hope you do not mind.

You Little Snot

You got to call out the little snot quickbly

Otherwise the little snot can become a big snot and then congiole into a bugger.

If the bugger gets dry and hard enough it can really be annoying.

This needs to be nipped in the bugger

Your being a snot and this behavior needs to be nipped in the bugger

Don’t be snotty. We want to be snot free.

I thought he was just a little snot but he turned out to be a full fledged booger, fully capable of causing a fairly savvier nose blead.

Your not the One

Your not the one. You’re the number 327, but that is still pretty good. It does not sound as good as being the one but it in the top 10 percentile.

Pluss ther is really only one 327 so you are still the one in that sence. Your are unique ast 327

Don’t know about you but I live on Love

If you ever want to get there you just take a right off of A street

I like living on love but I’m not going to sugar cote of for you. Living on love is not cheep. The property taxes alone are rediculuse.

Step it up or get stepped on

It did pay off in the long run, however

I wish it paid off sooner to I did not have to run so far at all.

It would pay off in the long run. Unfortunatly I’m more of a sprinter.

Obe wan Canobie – the jedi

Some call him obe for short, some call him canobei, and some call him jedi. I just call him wan because I feel like that part of his name is neglected.

I think its racest against Asian people that they totally neglect the wan.

Obe wan does not like bees

That’s why they call him Ope wan (Know bees)

Thank is not a big deal That is a small deal.

I’m not even sure it qualifies as a deal at all, but if it is a deal it is a small one.

That was intense

Why are you always thinking in math terms?

It was not in 10ths it was in 5ths

Why are people always talking about what they will do in the meantime.

All time is nice time, not mean time.

Well done sir.

Thanks, but I’m a little disappointed. I prefer it rare.

These people are picky.

You can tell because their noases are red and their nostrols are expanded from having their fingers in their so much.

A – Why are you so picky

B – Because I get a lot of buggers

Not too shabby

It is a little shabby but I actually like a little shab so that is OK. It is a fine line but there is a point when ther is too much shab and you have to be like; wow wow, not too shabby. However, when you say this the shab is usually totally removed and that is not what I wanted.

I’ll tell you what

People always brag about being able to tell you what.

As if its hare to tell somebody what. It’s a one sillable workd

If there where to tell you supfrafalespiladoshis like Marry Poppens that would be impressive, but a one sillable work. Come on.

It is hard to TELL somebody what when the word seems toindicate a question. YOu have to be like, no, I was not asking a question. I was TELLING you WHAT.

It was a Minor Mastake

Was a cavin in the mine.

I’m not he made the mistake because he was a minor, but the minor made the mistake.

Most people like to zig zag but I like to zag zig

If find that if you zag firs the zig flows much more easily.

Once the zag is done the zig is easy.

Onestly I think only reason people say zig zag is because it sounds cool. The reality is that zagging first is much more practical.

Looking forward to it

I’m always looking forward because my eyes are located at the front of my head.

I depend on you for my livelihood

If is nice hat but I think you would be OK without it.

Holly Cow

What happened, did the butcher get to him?

Why does the cow have hole in it?

Mark my Words

Put a little red check mark by my words

Maybe even right them down.

Check with Mark about them

I’m Fearless

I mean I have not fear not just less fear

Or your fearless will I’m fearlessor. No I’m the fearlesest.

Mahammid Alie Liked The Rope a Dope

Which I can only assume is a rope made out of hemp.

Not sure if we used that kind of rope for training or if the smoked it or possibly both.


No I said I see some algie bra

What is Bad Debt

As if there is such a thing a good debt

Why do accountants use an A Crual Method

Taxes are hard enough.

Why not apply a nice method instead of a crual one.

It is tough bing an accounting because you are always applying an accrual method rather then a nice method.

I think you would like being an accountant because we typically use an accrual method and I know you are fond of crual methods.

All Hell Is going to break loos if you keep doing that

You do not want to risk all of hell breaking loose do you?

I’m not eaven sure what is holding hell back at this point.

For some reason whatever you are doing could totally cause it to break loose though.

Buggers are wise because they are in the Know    ss

If you wann by in th Know. . . You should talk to buggers because , buugers, they always in the knows

You are ingenious and they are out of genius

You are Ellie = URL

I only use that fancy muster Grey Poop On (Greypupon)

I’m a rock start and your just a rock

Its not Down to be Upset

Boogers are mean

First they start with a Boo

Then they growall at you with gerr (boo-ger)

O Johny Bosy the pips the pips are calling

Why are the pipes always talking ot Johny. Why don’t they talk to me. . .

I’m Muy Bien because I’m just being man

Hippies aren’t muy bien because their just being man

How do you get bast “just bing man” to muy bien.

What the point of being if your not buiy bien

You have been insulted like a sardeen

You have been insulted

I have insulted you like a sardeen

You must feel like you are snail in a huge bucket of salt

Thats insulting

That’s insulting

I like a little sault for seasoning, but you like adding a pile of sault to a sardeen, . . . which was already salted. . . and that is like a little to much sault . . . more like way to much sault. 

You messet up the whole point of the prosses.

The point of the prosses is to season not insult

We build this city on rock an rolle

Building structures on rolling rocks defise conventional wisdom do to lack of a solid foundation.

But whatever. There is our city on the rolling rocks, for whatever time it may last.

And then if fell down. . . Because the rocks rolled under the city. . . Turns out rolling rocks are not structurally sound things to build on.

This Is Not Helpful It is Help Empty

In fact it may be full of stuff that hinder rather then helps.

That’s not even help emplty

That full of stuff that does the oppasate of helping

Access -One Think At a time – There is an old saying

You first need to pick your nice before you can fling the bugger


You cannot fling the bugger before you pick your noase


Otherwise your are in danger of flinging your noase. And that can lead to nose bleades. But so can picking your nose. . .

It a tought world out there

You need to pick your nose before your nose picks you

That is Nito

As cool as a nee and two put together

That one is the netoeest one because it has more knees and twos then the rest

How can it be the kneetwost one if there is not one knee or tow. I’m more neeto then that. I have two knees and ten tows.

This is EZ

Even if it were A to Z it would not be too difficult because I memorized the enire alphabet a while back but I’m even cutting out some letter on this one.


This guy tried to sell me tenashows. I was like I only need two shows, or one pare.

Why would anybody need ten shows.

Correcto Mundo

Mundo is not always correct. I think people always say he is correct because he is assian and they are always right.

I’m Out of It.

I like to be inside the it because that is when things are going well, but no, I have to be out of it.

No way. I’m not outside of it. I’m inside of it. And if I ware outside of it it would be nice if you would simply show me its door.

Your Acting Like a Maybe.

The standard honey be starts acting very confused during the month of May so we started calling it a May bee. Later we applied the term to confused people.


I once had a bugger that was dispicable

Not able to pick

For example: That booger is despicable

There is nothing worse than an despicable butter, a bugger that cannot be picked. Often a despicable buggger is a phantom bugger, wcich is really a gray nose hear that you cannot eve see to well to remove.

Why do people say big fat jerk

You never hear people say little skinny jerk

If they want to increase the jurkness they seem to need to increase the wheaght. Is it assumed that jerkiness is stored in fat cells?

Why is Awsome good and Awfull bad

I would think ging full of aw would be good.

Some awe is good but if you are full af aue that is bad

Your just being mooi, while I’m muiy bien

Hippies are just being. Muy ben is better

I’m muy bien

I will destroy you and every dear you hold

That’s right I’m a dear killer

Even Banbie

Damb You. I have the power to Damb you

You don’t have any damb power

Boogie down

Why would yo restrict your boogiiing to only one direction. I boogie in every direction

But what will I do in the meantime!

Just because we need to whait does not make time itsel mean all of a sudden. Time is just time. Time is not mean


Would you walk us through the proverbial line that covers the outer perimeter of the project, otherwise known as the outline?

Rue the day

The problem with the word rue.

Ruler of the days has delcaired that you will rue it.

  • You will rue the day
    • I will not ruin the day
  • I said rue the day
  • You will rue the day
    • That would be nice for a change considering you always seem to think you are the ruler
  • I said rue the day not rule the day
  • You will rue the day
    • You are rude today
  • The ruler of the day says you will rue it

It’s perfecto

No really you have a perfect toe

It is the most perfect two in the world

I call it a perfectomundo (Perfect toe mundo)

You’re a sone of a booger

Nothing but a boogers boy

Your not even the sun of a booger

You’re the sun of snot, an undeveloped booker. You’re the sone of snot

180 Why Does Microsoft Excel Have Only an X In The Logo When You Need Both X & L to ExceL

The poor L is overlooked in XL (Excel)

How can you excel without the L?

The poor L is often overlooked. . .

But if you truly want to be an expert using spreadsheets . . .

You will need to be competent in both the X and L to ExceL.

Microsoft should make this fact clearer.

However, marketing often leads companies to promote the idea that you can mater a task learning only half the fundamentals.

170 If You Need Me Just Call Out Yo Joe Because My Name is Joe Yo

If I’m in the general area to hear you call our Yo Joe. . .

and can help with the problem. . .   

understanding that I’m only competent is a small rang of things. . .

and if I’m not currently helping some other person who randomly called Yo Joe,

Or in some other way preoccupied

I will totally fix anything you need Yo

You’re a stinking bugger

It’s tarrabel to have a stinking bugger because those thing are often stuck in your noase, making it difficult to deal with the stink of the bugger.

160 That’s more like it

I’m not exactly sure what “it” is but I think “it” is good so this being having a closer resemblance to “it” seems like a positive change of events

I’m not even sure what IT is. . .

But IT seems good. . .

So, I would like to adjust THAT to be more like IT

What do you mean you need more detailed instruction!

Are you working virtually or virtually working


Naaaa Duuu

What is there? Nada

Naaa Duuuu

140 I Never Give Up!

It’s not good for your back.

If somebody up there really needs something they can come down so you can give laterally rather then up. . .

especially if you are giving something heavy.

I Don’t Think Anybody Should Ever Give Up

150 You Lost It Man

Calm down.

If you explain exactly what IT is. . .  

I will help you look for IT. . .  

Considering this IT having gone missing is obviously troubling you.

However, I don’t appreciate you jumping to the conclusion that I’m the one that lost this thing, this IT, you value so much.

Not need to go crazy over this thing, this IT.

If it is not right or neutral, it is eather left, wrong or quit possibly both

What So Ever

What? Sooooo. . . Ever

Vally girl accent

I am to confusion as I am to my steaks

I rarely have them

I have it rearly

Bugger Off

English dude corrects you saying it is Bugger Off, like a bug. . .

No you are like a bugger stuck to my finger. Bugger off accompanied by a flicking motion

Don’t Call it a come Back

I’ll call you a come back. How do you like that. Even you have totally been here for years.

I’ve been year for year. You just have not kwon me because I don’t do much, but I’ve totally been here so don’t call it a come back/

I strive to be note worthy

I really want to be worthy of a note, preferably a musical note


Same is a good singer so I bought a Sam Song hoping Sam would sing again

You Sun of a Booger

I could destroy you with one flick of my boogger flicking finger

Rock and Role

If you have a rock, and we all do, you may as well role it.

I am ready to role my rock.

I have situated my rock at the top of a hill ready to be rolled, baby.

What is wrong with bing IN-competent

It seems like bing outside competence would be wordse

Before a workout you do not warm up but cool up.

It seems counter intuitive

However the process of cooling up will make you warm

An increase in the cool level actually leads to an increase in warm level or warmth

Especially if the movement does not smell quite right

Let me explain why.

The major for of enjory is not due being physically cold but the feeling of laimness.

As you cool up will become warmer and reduce laimness feeling.

When you end a work out you would warm down. Cooling down may result in you jumping in a ice pit or something. That is not good. A nice reasoned warm down to a comfortable room temperature is what you want.

130 Eliminate Confusing with the Phrase – Bugger the Bloody F-Off

Europeans say bugger off while Americans say F-off

I have found a way to combine the phrases which completely eliminate confusion, can be universally used, and will keep all the swearing goodness while even adding a little.  

Bugger the bloody F-Off.

Using this phrase will ensure that whether in Europe or the US people will know you mean; well, to bugger the bloody F-Off.

I’s very clear and clarity is the point.

Bugger Of vs F-Off

I used to think Brithish people were saying bugger off when saying bugger off and I kind of like it now. YOu can go on a whole rant with bugger. For example:

YOu son of a buger.

Why don’t you bugger off before I deistroy you with one flick of my bugger flicking finger, which would resuld in. . . well you still being a bugger but one plastered to the wall.

I don’t know whether you are a bugger or bugger, but whether you are a bug or a bug please; off or maybe please you off

110 Some People have a desire to lead a movement

Some people feel they need to lead a movement and I understand leading 1 to 3 successful movements a day myself. I’m quite regular that way.

Lead the movement before the movement leads you, that is what I always say.

Because most movements smell bad it is best to get out in front of them before you get caught up in the movement flow; not good.

Leading the movements permits you to deposit them where they belong allowing you to move onto more important things like brushing your teeth, eating lunch, & seeking fundamental truth rather than superficial movements, the search for fundamental truth bettering the only thing you have God-given agency over; yourself.

120 Try a Day of Swearing, Replacing F*** with Hump and See What Reactions you Get

For example:

I like to start with positive phrases like

That is f-ing cool!

That is humping cool!

That was f-ing rad!

That was humping rad!

Then move onto some negative uses:

What the F was that!

What the hump was that!

You F-ing moron!

You humping moron!

What in the F?

What in the hump?

You mother F-ing jerk!

You mother humping jerk!


Hump off!

Or the more colerfull:

Bugger the bloody F-Off?

Bugger the bloody hump off

Accounting Instruction

If you have not been offended, please look into learning the useful skill of accounting at the accounting instruction channel and leave positive feedback. Those guys are great.

If you have been offended, please do not visit the accounting instruction channel, and leave positive feedback because we hate those guys.

Ding it before you dang it

If you want to dang something make sure you ding it first

You need to ding it before you dang it

Otherwise it may not be properly danged

So don’t be lazer, do the full jub, ding it before you dan it ding dan it

YouTube – Why is my computer calling me a tube

190 Crime Sindicates Have been on the rise ingaging in ealagar barberisim operations

There have also been a rise if elegal K through 12 criminal education outfits attemption to teach inacent children concepts such as science, history, and sometimes even math.

Police riades of this elagel contact have been condected leading to unfortunate injureis to minors engaging in this elegal education.

Many social advocate groups are organizing to start programs to occupy the time of children in more socialy exceptipal ways, such as casual drinking, drug use and even some monire theft would be better then this criminal ecucation behavior

Most of these elegal crime sindicates striving to educate children are run my imagrents claiming they came to American to participate in the values of individual liberty.

It seems that barbersism is similar to any other busness except that the requirement to operate is not granted by a busness licess for the state or local government but by a handshake with the local crime cindicate, along with a small fee for protection from the police and competition.

Those forced to ingage in criminal activity such a barbarism are not covered under that law and are therefore often required to operate under the mercy of the volitie crime cyndicates, hoping that a feud does not break out amongst the crime factions.

Some libratarians actually argue that we should legalize barberizm and barberizim crime would stop. But others argue that legalizing barberizum would result in more people getting their hair cut, which is a problem because. . .

Think about graphing using economic graphs from gpverment intervention

190 Crime syndicates have been on the rise engaging in the practice of organized barbarism.

Warning: We will be showing graphic images of the illegal practice of barbarism

Many individuals who are forced to engage in this illegal trade startup their bootleg business much like any other. . .

With one important difference. . .

Rather than obtaining a business license from a state or local business and receiving the support of local law enforcement, they must obtain permission to conduct barbarism from crime syndicates hoping to receive protection from the law, criminals, and competition while performing this dangerous trade.

Many well intended social nonprofit organization have been formed in an attempt to educate these bootleggers into more socially acceptable trades as a means of making a living such as distribution marijuana, booze, or gamboling.

However, these well intended attempts at intervention has done little to curb the growth of the barbarism enterprise.

Apparently, the growth is driven by some unexplained human demand for the illegal service of barbarism, making the pull to engage in the bootleg activity difficult to resist for many, despite the risk.

Liberaltarians have the audacity to propose that idea that legalization would result in a better outcome than increase restrictions and enforcement on the prohibition.

What in the world are they thinking?

Are they asking people to think for themselves?

Let’s explore this counter commons scene proposal:

Legalizing barbarism would lead to increase quality of the service due to transparency.

If barbarism were legal, companies could advertise their service openly and would be openly judged by the market resulting in better barbers dominating the market with better and safer practices.

They could also be subject to minimum requirements of quality once the trade is brought under the umbrella of the law.

Barbarism would no longer have to take place in dark allies using rusty utensils.  

Instead, practitioners could learn the dangers of barbarism and how to minimize them.

Legalizing barbarism will reduce the power of the crime syndicates.

The violence resulting from turf wars over the conduct of the profitable business of barbarism would be eliminated.

Legalizing barbarism would mean that practitioners would be under the protection of the law like any other business rather then being forced to seek protection from crime organizations.

Legalizing barbarism would lower the price

You can see this as a pro or a con because a lower price may lead to more barbarism. However, the lower price will reduce the power of crime organization, as they seek the high profit of organizing and trafficking the illegal trade.

Legalizing barbarism would also lead to more tax revenue for the government as businesses are now willing to report their income and pay taxes on them.

Legalizing barbarism could increase jobs. The jobs may not be as respectable as industries like marihuana distribution, booze distribution, or gamboling, but it could allow some to make a living.

Legalizing barberism could lead to reduced cost of law enforcement on the restriction of the service and could lower the tragic scenes of police raids of barber shops resulting is casualties and shootouts.

I’ll figger it out

The first step to to figuring it out what that it was in some kind of hole.

Because the answer seems to be stuck in some kind of hole.

We just need to get it out of there

It took me a long time to realizie that answer was in some kind of hole so we just need to figger a way to get it out of there

I can figure a way down into the hole with the answer, but then I might get stuck down there too and somebody would need to figure me out as well as it.

I would not want place the budern of figuring me out on anybody

Is that in your Wheelhouse

I yes. Hold on a second while I go get it out of my wheelhouse

I parked the wheelhouse at the beach so it may take a while

You do not count up and down but right and left.

Haven’t you ever seen a number line

Don’t make me pick you off you sone of a bugger

I was Pissed Off

I had so much pissing fire power it pissed me of the the spot I was standing

I’m Crushing it

How is it going?

I’m crushing it

Well maybe if you were a little more careful you would not crush it.

But I want to crush it.

Why, what did it do to you?

What’s Next

I’ll tell you whats next although it is not longer next, but it now now.

This is what was next, but is now whats now

Whait one stinking minite

I will not

However, if you make it a plesent smelling minit I will consider it

Its not about the time, its about the aroma

Hold Your Horses

Those horses look like they are having a bad day and need a hug. Would you hold your horses please.

Please hold those hourses so they do not get in the way

I thought I told you to hold your horses. The job just cont interumpted by a loose hourse

I don’t even care any more. I totally completed the job even with unheald, angree, hug needing hourses everywhere taunting me.

Why say mess up instead of mess down

It seems like going down is more congruent with a problem. We should say it was a mess down

I fixed the mess down and we are back up and running

My Dog Spot is Spot on

Why did you name your dog spot when he has not spot

He is not named spot because he has a spot

He is named spot because he is always spot on.

Spots on it again. That’s why we call him spot on

That is where there problem lies

The real problem is that people think all problems are always lying down. Problem are often standing up ready to hit you in the face.

Why are problems always lying down, and how can they cause so much trouble that way.

What if the problem ever got up.

Lets not find out.

Kill lining problem before it stands


There is a holly mole named Lee. We call him hollymoly

I once know a holly man, who looked like a mole named Lee

Toxic Help

Toxic help is the most prevalent problem of our day

Everybody if harming each other under the guies of “tring to help”, the guies of “good intentions”. Reclass abandonment of any responsibility for actual outcome because of the shild of “good intentions” is our biggest problem.

Scarries thing this holloween is a Toxic Helper

His Names YoDa

He knows the answer to every question and after providing the answer he always says

Yo Duuu so we named him Yoda

Depreciation Ex – Equipment

I know how to make sence. My grandma gave me the recapie

I’ve been making sence ever sence

I’m working on the perfect mix between being hot and cool.

I’m a firm believer, and this is a controversial topic, that you can be both hot and cool without just being loowarm. It seems impossible, but no. . .

It seems paridixical but I think you can be both cool and hot without just being luke warm

I’m both smoking cool and chillen hot

I’m Moving On.

Right not I’m moving on my couch, but plan on moving on my treadmill soon

What are you moving on?

I’m monving on my skateboard. Anctaully the board is dong the moving and I’m just standing on.

When I’m Pissed Off I find it useful to Piss Off something else

Usually off my bathroom rug in the toilet

What? Do you want to get into it man?

Then you should buy QuickBooks because they are owned by Intuit.

You don’t have to tell me 5 times

3 is often enough

More then that can start to anoy my, but less then that and I proaly will not do it.

Although I’m completely calm my skill are irratateted.

In fact my skill are so upset you an call them “MAD SKILLS”

Mad is not good for emotions but Mad is “Bad” for Skills”

Bad, in this context meening, Cool

And cool, as we all know is good

This trick in life is to be able to upset you skills to the point of being MAD SKILLS while maintaining calm emotionally.

What do you want?

I want all buggers in the world to be able live free without fear of picky people

What do you stand for?

I generally stand for urination perposies because it take more energy to sit down

ABCs May be simple but I prefer easy and EZ does not require A B or C, instead starting a E to the Z

How to you make things easy

Remove the ABCs & D

Sometimes people go from EZ to PZ wich is even shorter

I went on the “Liven on A Prair” diet and lost 25 pounds

I thought the that song abotu liven on a priar was dum until I tried it and lost 100 ponds

Best diet I have tried

I may not stand a chance, but fortuanaly I do most of my work sitting down

I have a sitting change even if I don’t stand one, which is nice.

I’m going to sit down and take my chance.

Jo Bidon Just keeps repeating Come On Alla to his VP

Biden seems to think his VP is Alla

When the press asked Camala if she was affended by the misspronouncment of her name and for direction on what she wishes them to write about for their weely writing assignmentsLIlEs544##lu Camala grashisly replied

No, its more of a title then a name. You may proceed to write about the glories of my rule.

Boden believe his VP canadate is ALA, as he keeps repeating the phrase “Come On ALA”

When the press asek Kamala whather she was affended by the mispronouncing of her name Kamal said:

Its more of a title then a name.

She then proceeded to hand out the presses weekly writing assignments, reminding us to get them to her by the due date so she can edit our work before publishing.

Those SOBs as my mom used to say

Which obviously stands for Son Of a Bugger.

Don’t let those bugger boys get to you.

Poor buggers and just been picked on their entire lives

Their just angry because for their entire lives they have been picked on.

I Like Tapping my Toes

No matter what happens my toes are still tappen.

WHat generally happens is that people look at me angrally because the tapping toes are annoying them.

I’m sorry it this bothers you but my doctor said my toes should remain tapping no matter what happens

But I’m just like, dude, I like tapping my toes.

Keep rocken on

I keep rocken on whaterver I’m standing on

Rock on!. . .   Whatever your standing on!

Lets do it, not just poo poo it

Skip the the lue my darling

Where is your darling

My darling is currently skipping to the lue

Space, The Final Froundier

It is so depressing that we have expored everythink except that one last little thing.

How depressint that space is our last frountier

Why even bother explrong it when we have explored everything els then that one thing?

It is frustrating that space is the FINAL frountier

It’s like we have already exploered 99.99999% of the stuff and we only have this one last thing.

Why even bother?

One flick of my buuger flicking finger and you wold be NO MORE

You would be less

Bugger Out

It is not enough ot tell somebody to bugger off if they are right up your knows. You first need to tell them to bugger out. Then bugger off.

Your Nothing But Humpti’s Dumptly

Humpty Dumpty – Humpty took a dumpty on a wall

I have a knee and a tow and that is neetoo (nedo?)

I actually have multiple knees and multiples tows which is nees toes

You need to relax

Somehow you have become unlaxed and need to go back to the laxing state you were in a little bit ago

So relax

I told you to “lay low” not tell “low Lies”

Humpty took a dumpty off the wall

Like the dumpty humpty had a fall

Poor Humpty fell on his own dumpty

The dumpty breaking Humpty’s fall off the wall

The fall crushing the dumpty rather than Humpty

All the kings horsed and all the king men did not have to try and put Humpty back to gether again

Bacause the dumpty borake humptyps fall

Instead, just a few mades and one hours cleaned the dumpty off humpty and too Humpty Home

The moral of the story: if you sit on a high wall with no backstop make sure to take a dumpty off it just in case you fall off the wall.

I keep reminding myself never to say never but it seems self contradictory

How can I remind myself never to say never without saying. . . STOP ! ! !

New rule

Never Say Never! ; Except when you are reminding yourself never to say never, which is the only time Never, Is Ever, acceptable.

In fact we may eve want to remind ourselves never to say never with some other frase because this one will never ever, never ever, never ever work.

I feel frustrated

Dabm you and the bugger you slid in on

I will destroy both you and that bugger you slid in one. I’ll even destroy the snot trail the bugger you slide in on left, wipping from the face of the earth for all eternity.

You’re a Moron

I do think I’m More On top of things than most people. Thank your for noticing

I wanna be moron because the alternative is to be more-off and that is not good

Its bettwr to be more on then more off. That’s what I always say.

He Stone Cold

However, ginen that the stone I’m referring to in this istance has been in the sun for a while Stone cold is relatively warm

What does cold turkey mean?

I’m jumping into this “cold turkey” WTF.

I’ve got this down down “cold turkey”. Are we all supposed to know cold turkey really well? When I think of something I know well, cold turkey, is the first thing that comes to mind.

Boy, I wish I know this as well as I know “cold turkey” !

The worlds going to hell in a handbasket and all we can do is piss and mone about it; and I just got done pissing

The world is going to hell in a handbasket. All we can do is piss and moan about it; AND I JUST GOT DONE PISSING.

Lets get this meeting started

Your responsible in a very ire way

You think I’m irresponsible.

No, I think you are responsible but in an extremely eary way.

Itsy a kind of ire responsible


Should we beet him up or down.

How cares as long as we are beeting him

But it seems counter productive if I were beat him up just so you then beat him down.

Is’t that a wast of time. I feel like wee should be on the same page as to the the direction of the beating

Our committee is at a stand still. Half want to beat him down while the other wants to beat him up. Further debate is required.

The commitie cannot take action on how to take action “help” the small busness owner due to being in gridlock

The committee wanting to administer a helping beating on the business owner but not being able to agree on whether to beat the busness owner up or to beat the busness owner down.

One committee member commneted

Every second this gridlock continues he’s out there not receiving any “helpful” beating at all, up or down, possibly becoming self sufficient with out the benefit of our crippaling “help”. If there is one this that should pull this committee together, it is that we all agree that helpful beating must continue.

Business owner comments: Gridlock keeps us free.

They say it Win Win

I’ve never met Winwin before but she sounds like a nice asaion lady

I’m counter productive

Because all my best work is down at this counter

This counter is my most prodective area making me counter productive

As an accountant I’m actually very counter productive

As an accountant being counter productive can be good, which can be counter interutive.

Accounting firm looking to hire someone who is very counterproductive.

Why don’t you shut your sour casum

Your mouth is like a giant casum filled with sour stuff.

Please shut the casum of sour

Am I sensing some sour coming out of the casum of yours

You Shal Pay for You Lack of vision

Optometrist favorite movie quote

Woolly mammoth – Willy Mammoth

Named derived from the woolly mammoth we is referred to as Willy Mammoth

Bear with me

Why are you jest siting there when I told you there is a bear with me

Get help

Its in short supply

I want a taller supply

The basketball teach is angree because uniforms are in short supply

I had not realized we needed to specify a tall supply

Although all those things

Its not my fault. You made me happy

I wanna go down to that town because that town in DOWN

Even though it is on a hill

I don’t see what that town is so down. Its on a hill. Our town is downer then that town

Stop driving me crazy

You an go to crazy in your own. I’m exiting the vehicle. I don’t care how fast we are going.

Walking on the Earths Face

Face of Mother Earth

He so mean he even walks all over the face of Mother Earth

These boots are made for waling and I’m going to use them to walk all over your FACE Mother Earth

To do list

What is on you to do list.

It is self explanatory

There are two dos on my two do list

That’s why I called it a to do list

That is no small feet

The feat is at least a size 12

That feat would need at least size 12

Why does he go through so many pants

Because his pants keep katching fire

Due to being a liyer.

How can you possibly afford being such a lieer

Your pants bill must be incredibly high do to then catching fire all the time

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW I’m the bestest

Will I will have, ya no, a Coke, ya know?

I’m a Genius (Gene Yes)

Actually I’m composted of many genes

O so you’re a genius

No, I don’t think that. I’m actually composted of many genes

I happen to be one the nicest people that has ever stomped on mother earths face

I Frustrated

If you were to rate my emotions it would be a FRUST rating

I think that is somewher between PG13 and R

You Better watch yourself

That’s right. If you do not have a full lenth mirror its time to invest in one, so you can watch yourself.

In fact you should move into one of those funhouses with a room of mirrors

I will not stand for this

I will not stand for this, not agian

Last time thay did this I just stood for it and my legs got really tired

I wont stand for it this time. I’m going to go sit in the corner on the floor, because I’m not standing for this again.

Does somebody have a chair?

I demand a chair!

If somebody could point me to a corner on the floor I could cowerin in I would appreciate it.

Why do you do what you do

I do what I do for the sake of crying out load

I do what I do for crying out louds sake

I hate you

Your crazey. U is a fine letter

If you didn’t have U you coulded us Q. Q would be useless

Why don’t you shut your bugger hole.

That way you would have to breath though your mounth

Possibly resulting in you not talksing so much due to being short of breath

Which would be much appreciated by the rest of us

If you could shut both your pie hole and boogger hole for about a half hour, the would be a much better place

Why don’t you shout your ear holes

That way you will be stop talking, given the fact that the only one interested is not longer listening.

One the only interested party stops listening you will lickly stop talking


People keep telling me to beware but I don’t know where they want me to be, so I just keep wandirng around randomly, hooping to find the right location, asking random strangers for help

They keep telling me to beware but I don’t know where the where is I need to be so I’ve been walking around randomly

Tommorow is just a day away

And I will have more buggers I can pick and flick tomorrow

Therefore I will not be upset that all the bugger are picked and flicked today but rather look forware to tomorrows buggers I will get to pick and flick

Weird is Weird does; that what my friends Moma always says

Your weird

Weird is weird does; that’s what my friends Moma always says

I’m a rock in the shape of a star

I happen to be a rock in the shape of a star

A star shaped rock in other words

You can just call be ROCK STAR

Your too sensitive


Its not my fault

Now you blaming me for my scyneses

I totally understand NOW!

Which is scarry because I don’t want this thing to fall on me.

But it raining and underanding seems worth the risk

But it raining and standing under seems worth the risk

What is the smartest kind of hair

Nose hair

I can walk and pick my noise at the same time

Some of us can do two things at once

That’s right

I can walk and pick my noase at the same time

Although it does get more difficult if you a fantome bugger

Otherwise known as a nose hair

Once realized you try and pluck that nasty nose hair

Then your eyes start to water

And that does make walkng more difficult

I do usually sit down at that point.

What is the point of the argument

I’m getting to the pound, but feel obligated to inform people to take prococtions, because it a is a sharp one.

YOu stupid . . . (angree)

Calm down. I will pull out the point, a little hastally in order to fend out aggressors, which is. . .

May the boogers fall where they may

I’m just going for it. May the booger (chips) fall where they may

it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Fortunately through a combination of camel breading focused on a chuwawa size camels and really large needle manufacuting I think we can solve this problem if we can just generate enough capital to get it done.

You can’t do anything right in the eyes of family

When young and trying to just have a good time you hear about how you should be doing better.

One you start doing well and focusing on work you get the “”

I eat Fretose not because they are good for you but because I agree with their core values

These shoes are an appresive instrucment against the nature rights to freedom of our toes

Shoes are just fancy tow cadges

The plan will be executed

We are going to execute your plan. Don’t you dare execute my plant. It’s a good plan.

This tarrarist group calling themselves “my team” tried to execute my plan. I called the cops

Why, it seams like a good plan. Why drag it in the ally and shoot it in the back of the head?

The plan will be executed like a criminal in Texes

Wait, I don’t actually want to kill the plan. I want to do the plan. Don’t kill it, do it. You know what I mean.

Close but no cigar

That was close but you to do it with a cigar for it to count

Dear God

What is that. Some kind of pagen god with anter horns

Finanly Fin Lee

Where is this lee lady who is so fine

Wait a bugger picking second

Seriously, I have bugger that really needs picking it will just take a second


Just stop picking for one bugger picking second

This is incorrect

No its out of correct!

If it was in the correct we would be in the right

But this is out of correct and off to the left

How can something incorrect by when its in the correct?

Does being in the right mean you are wrong too?

You are incorrect

I agree that I’m in the correct. It is not always easy being in the right the way I am

I said you are INCORRECT!

Which I take as an admission that you are in the wrong, not an easy thing to admit. I appreciate your honesty.

Why do we alsway talk about the world a the Whole WIDE World.

It make the world seem fat, which a rude way to talk about mother earth.

Chikens have a bugger problems

That’s why they run arrond saying Bug Garrs (say like chicken)

I can’t pick my nose withough hand and I have BuGars

My bright ideas are so birght that when I go camping I don’t even bother with a flash light

I just have bright ideas that aluminate the entire campground

I’s soo exited I just kind hide it

O yes I can. Hold on a second. Turn around and tuck wokkie in elastic band

This will not be tolerated

Because its shorter. Why would we rate it as taller if it is shorter. That would be an incorrect rating

This will not be tolerated

Why not?

Because its shorter. You cannot loller rate something that is shorter then the thing you are rateing it against. It will be shorter rated

This will not be tolerated, but shorterrated due to it being shorter.

I don’t buy it

Mainly because I don’t have much money and am on a tight budget.

Lies are expenseve to buy

Get a move on

I went to the store looking for an affordable moveon and they did not know what I was talking about.

I don’t know where to acuire a moveon

Our work needed a widget

My boss told me to get a move on

So I went to the store looking for a move on, apparently needing one before acquiring the widget

Rock Star

Some people are stars

Some people are rocks

Very view are ROCK STARS

Some people shine like a sta

Some are solid as rock

But very fiew are ROCK STARS

They bugged the crap out of me

Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom due to them litterally bugging the crap out of me

I have a fiend who is soffering from constipation

Would you mind visiting him to help bug the crap our of him

Your talent is wasted on me

There are many people in the world suffering from constiptation

You could do a lot of good using your skills to but the crap out of them.

But no, your wasting your skills bugging me.

Confusion is the human condition

What is it to be human?

To be confused.

Everlyone is Unbearable.

But that’s just because nobody wants to walk around bare naked, because people would laghp at them.

You think your sooo cool. You think your. . .

You think your snots not sticky

You think you nose has to nose hares in it.

You think you zits are full us perfume instead of puss

Hasta la pizza baby

Arnal Swartsneger

We are going to meet for pizza.

Hast la pizza; baby

Don’t be RE   dick less

Don’t be rediculus ( RE    dick less)

Heavy duty

These are heavy as duty.

And I don’t just mean any duty. Where talking large dence elephant duty.

I need a pop filter

Don’t we all. My Pop’s never shuts up

I meant for the micraphone

Young finance students need to learn how to yield to maturity

The terrorist tried to tare my rist off

Guess I should not be supprised

He declaire himself a terrorist and started tarring everyones rists off

Lets give it a shot and see what happens

I’m not sure that’s a good idea. If you shoot it you will probably kill it.

Kind we try some other options to see if they work before we just shoot it?


My pointedness has been dissed, resulting in me being disappointed

This Textbook Problem is No Problem

It thinks it a proble. It even calls its self problem number 5, but it is no problem

We will expalain what a wormhole is

Seems self explanatory by the term, unless you do not know what a worm or a hole is. I saw a worm make a hole just yesterday.

What a meenee

Knees are not usually mean in and of themselves unless they are being driven into your gut.

He is too cool

Two cools are better then only one cool assuming you like cool stuff.  Is it not?

  1. Your just too cool
  2. Well ya, two cools are better then one. I worked really hard on that second cool, and feel you are just gellious, as you grasp that 1/10th of a cool you are bairly haning onto. Just because I have a little more does not mean you are not still doing good with your 1/10th cool.

Save the would pinkytowedly

People think its impressive to do something single handedly

I will save the would pinkytwedly, yes with one pinky toe

Things are going to happen(hap in) which is going to make us Hap Out with Happyness

We were totally happed out

What do you want to be when you grow up. A trouble maker

I want to make stuff

I’m going to be a trouble maker

People pay good money for well crafted trouble.

We need to stick together like a booger and noise hair

Don’t let nothing pick us apart

I’m smarter than the average bear

So what. Bears are stupid.

I may not be the man of steal (superman) but I am a man with the last name of Steele

And that must count for something

Which is still cool

You butchered it too many times to go forward

Start over – You butchered it too many times to go forward

You made hamberger out of it.

I wanted steak, but you made hamberger by butchering it too many times.

One Two Buccle my Shoe

What? What kind of shoe to you have that has buccles

I can’t bucle it. I have no experience. I have never even seen a shoe with a bucle.

UFO sounds like an insult

You Fricken FO!

That’s right, I called you a forighn object

Way does everyone think nails are tught

Nials are not that tough.

I’ll talk crap to any ananimate opject including nails

If there were a nail here and not I’d hit it on the head with a hammer and not think twice.

I’d hit that nail until it was a dead as a door nail

Nails think their tough until you threaten them with a door.

Nail was giving me lip and I just pointed out there is a door right over there. The nail shaped up. Said he was not made anymore about being hit in the head with a hammer repeatedly.

Move it over just a bit, just a nose hair over

The knight had one question for the dividends

Do you YIELD.

After a year long epic battle with the dividend, the divididend finally yielded, making me victorious.

Outstanding shares

ABC company has 1000 shares outstanding

Wow. I wish our shares were outstanding. We just have normal shares. How can we make our shares outstanding like ABC company’s shares

The Lion Den

We call it the lion den, not because there is a large cat in it, but because it is often full of lies, lickly because it is owned by a proficient lier.

Hippocrit (Hip Crit)

Stop being a Critical Hipo

Once apon a time there was a bugger

Who lived quite contently in a his navil cavity home.

Until, that is, some jerk started picking on him.

The bugger could not understand why this jerk kept picking on him when the bugger was just mining its own busness, bugger business, that is.

I don’t give a dam

Because dams are expensive. You know how much it costs to build a dam?

Someone tried to give me the whole world

But I did not want it. I don’t even have room to fit it in my closet, & I would probably only play with it like once a year or something

I don’t think I need the whole world

Once Upan A Time I was just a pawn in time

One upon a time

Who you calling a pawn in time. I’m important


I’m not just awesome. I’m awe inspiring an then some

Aw and then some

Some people are awesome but I’m awe inspiring and then some, which at a totally new level

I don’t give a rats butty about it

Good to be a genius.

It is good to be a gean

He is a gean yes (genius). I’m a gean no

If you have to deal with shit, old shit is actually better

People are always saying you need to try the new shit.

I’m well known in my field

Although my field is not very large. Its more like a lawn

Its not difficult be well known in my field. As long as you feed the dogs they are bound to know why you are.

The secret to being well known in my field is to keep feeding the dogs

I don’t eat French fries except on FRIday out of respect for the French

Caveman tries gun slinging

I think I have this and can gun sling as fast as anytone, as he fires a gun out of a slinghot.

It is more difficuld conisirng the bulky shap of the gun compared to a standard rock

You’re a dumb as a rock

At least I’ a rock I the shape of a star, making me a ROCK STAR.

Being a rock star is way better then being you

I’m cutting back to the bear minimum

Meaning if I only keep the thing I would still need while dealing with an attack from a bear

My master once tougt me to only carry the bear minimum

It has serviced be will in many things except for the gient can of honny I carry in case bear needs to be bribed.

This is my thins. I like this think almost as much as my thingy

I’m Redy – Red E

Fool me one and shame on you

Fool me once and shame on you

Fool me twice and I still think it is your falt

Fool me 5352 time and I think I’m may have some small inkling of fauld

I’ll work until the cows come home

But the cows are dead dude

Something has happened the cows. I know it. They have been gone too long.

Fired Up

I want to get fired up but it does not seem possible without starting out by getting fired

I’m not done by a long shot

If you increase the force of the long shot could you do it in a short time?

The news broak

The news broak and fell on the floor

Or mabybe it fell on the floor and then broak

In either case there is not broaken news on the floor

I’m going to pick up the broaken news pieces, dust them off, put them in some semblance of order, and tell you about them.

I’m outraged

Seems like you are well within the rage

I have a news story about the news

It broak

That is superfluous

No your supper foolish

You have to pay Umbrage

I don’t have to pay um, anything, bridge or otherwise

Why do you want a bridge anyway?

They say it is Unfathomable

But I totally fathomed it and it took me less then an hour

I must be an exceptional fathomer

I have a knack for it

I want to be able to do it too. Where did you purchase your knack

I am a Rock Star

Rocks love me

Sometimes they seem to fly right at me, just to get close to me

Even flying right our of soemebodys hands when they are clearily trying to hold onto the rock

That may be unequivocal

However, there seems to be a lot of quivacing over this other thing

He can’t take criticism

What, I demand that that criticism be retracted. . . to prove the browder, and more accurate point, that I can take criticism when appropriate. . .

This whole conversation is some kind of trick isn’t it. . .

Get ready people, because we are about to flick this booger off and see if it sticks to the wall

You SOBs son of a bitches

I heard somebody yelling at one man saying “you son of a bitches”

I was like, are you crazy there is only one person you are yelling at

He says, I know, he is a sone of bitches

I did not know that was possible

I’m excited that it now appears possible to insult one person by calling them an SOBs instead of jest and SOB, doupling the insuld most efficiently, adding just one letter, Piling twice as much sult in, resulting in the almost sertenly desolving into a pile of bullting slime, like a slug who has had a ton of solt dumpted directly on its strange tenticlce eyes.

Some may even argue that calling somebocy and SOBs is more than double insult, it indicating that your father is both femail, and some kind of dog. However, if you are more then double insulted, it may be evidence of you being a gender Nazi.

I made it with my bear hand, & sometimes bear feet

However, even though I don’t generally were shows during construction, my feet are often covered with cozy soxs, making then not totally bear.

I made it with my bear hands:

I find that for this particular job finger do not work as well as claws

I built this with my own two hands

But now I’m thinking I should have used wood or clay because I would like my hands back

You little shit

I am not a little shit, although I do have a little shit in me, although I’m not sure it is actually shit until it is outside of mey, and I’m hardy unick or unuluasl in this regard.

I am not little, not to say that I’m a big shit, whether big shit bing better or worse then a littels shit being beside the point because I am both good sized and constituted of primarily non shit.

That cost me an arm and leg

Fortunately I know where to get both arms a legs, cheep

The leg was just a chicken leg though

They said it cost an arm and a leg

I aksted if they would except a chicken leg

Closet But No Ciger

And I want that ciger

Being close to the ceger is not enough

I want to smoke it

A fly in the ointment

Hey you can’t use that there is a fly in the ointment

Two birds in the hand are worth more then one in the bush

I never new birds were worth much, whether in the hand or in the bush.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

I’m flying

A knight in shining armour

It is such a nice night the way the moon and starts shine. Its like a night in shinning armour

A miss is as good as a mile

You missed

I ment to miss because a miss is a good as a mile, and I’m in a hurry.

A no-brainer

Know Brainers

Of coruses it’s a know bairner. Knowng stuff is what brains do.

If it din’t know stuff it would not be a brain

I know a lot of bairners too

A nod is as good as a wink

They are both worthless

A riddle wrapped up in an enigma

I riddle wrapped up in a crossword puzzle

A rolling stone gathers no moss

But I ant mass (Spanish stuff)

Pero yo quiro mass

A sea change

I need a sea change

Why don’t you just turn you head

Above board

You can’t do that. We need to be above board.

Well tell me whare the board is and I’ll to it up there

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Absence makes the heart grow fungis

Actions speak louder than words

Actions speak louder then words and I’ve had enough with your actions lip.

Your actions are making a lot of unessary noise

Would you please shut your actions mouth.

I’ve had enough with your actions lip

Why are mad at me for talking so loud

Actions speak louder than words

You’re a goosball

Way are such a ball of goose

Mankind vs kind man

Should we spend out time trying to change mankind or focus on making ourselves a kind man

Womesn says – I’m not so interestend in mankind as a kind man

How is it that man kind does not produce mostly kind men

You would think, with the name mankind you would find only kind men

Mankind, What is that an oxymoron. No, Man mean

I’m doing this for all of manunkind

Don’t you mean mankind

That is a bit of a missknomer, don’t you think. Men are not generally kind. I know the original word refeered to kind a type and not personality, but it is still misleading at this point.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

So why are you eating one in the waiting room. We do not have all day. Stop eating the Dr. repellent. Dr come is apploigizing for being late. It is OK. I know she was eating the Dr. repellent. Its not your fault.  

Which is why you can’t get any help from a dr in the Big Apple

Which may be why I’m can’t get any help for “the apple of my eye”

Bad Apple – What can you do with it. But I need a Dr. Maybe that is where the phrase “bad apple” comes from

An axe to grind

Are you a lumberjack

Go ahead and grind you axe, but I am neather sharping stone nor tree so leave your axe granding away from me

Asap – As soon as possible


I’ll get right on it

No I mean he is a sap


What do you want me to do

Nothing, I’m calling you a sap

Get on it ASAP

OK, but there is not need to insult me, calling me a sap

Who are you calling a sap. If you want something done it more lickly to happen if do not insult people

As alike as two peas in a pod

Why are you calling a pea

They make people noise wringe

They cause people to cringe

As cold as any stone

Just put the stone in the oven for a bit

As cool as a cucumber

Cucumbers have not been cool for a long time. Keep up with the times man.

Coucumber are like 3 decateds ago.

As cute as a bug’s ear

Bugs are ugly

As dead as a dodo (

Your as dead a do do (crap)

And dodos are as dead as doornails

But not quit as dead as a doornail

As easy as pie

What? Have you every tried to memorize pie. It goes on forever. Its only easy if you round it, but that’s cheating

As fast as greased lightning

I don’t think it is a good idea to have grease around during a lighning storm.

As fit as a fiddle

Diddels to have a slim waist

As happy as a clam

Why are clams so happy, and how can we emulate them.

I’m not showering so I can smell more like a clam, hoping it will result in being as happy as one.

As pure as the driven snow

O yah. I’m pure as snow before it has been driven on.

As thick as thieves

What can you do with this

Are all thieves fat?

Get your shit togeterh

We don’t like shit that is not together because it like diariea

We want the shit nice and together so we can through if we want

Against the clock

They said I was against the clock

And I took that clock out in like a matter of minutes. A least I think it was around a minute. I’m not sure because I took out the clock.

Against the grain

Because I can’t each too much fiber

Agree to disagree

I’m happy to DIS agree

Aid and abet

Giving aid is to time to gamble

Alive and kicking

Alive and spitting

Ballpark figure

Round shaped or diamond shaped

Barking up the wrong tree

Is there a correct tree

I did not know you were a tree at all. Your not a very tall one. You do kind of smell like dog piss.

I’m not looking for a tree, nor am I barking

Barrel of laughs

We go the wrong barrel. There are no laughs in here

Basket case

I’m not any kind of carrying accessory

I don’t. are you talking about a basket or a case. Does it matter. They both hold stuff. Be more spacifice. Your driving me crazy

Bated breath

Stop eating the bate. It is gross and your breath stinks. There are worms for Gods sake.

Bean counter

Why would you make a counter out of beans

The food should go on the counter. People are not supposed to eat the counter.

Your making a farse of this

I’m not making a fart. If I was I would claim it. I don’t even smell anything

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

But holding bees is dangerise because you could get stung.

This is a pesamistic statements. Because it assumes you need fear from the stinger of the bee your are holding in order to persive buity

It assumes that in order to perceive buity you must be holding a dangerous bee

I don’t think you need to be holding a dangerous be to persive buity

I know what buity is more that most. Why. Because I’m a Bee holder. I make buity. Everyone know buty is made from the eyes of bee holders. I can make some buity if you would like.

People actually get mad when there is a Bee in your bonnet. But that is an opportunity to be a bee holder and see buity

Beg the question

Why would you beg a question

Will the question give you a treat?

Bet your bottom dollar

You can bet your bottom doller on it. Just make sure you draw the doller from the bottom of the stack, without spending the ones above it. Otherwise you may loose everything.

I won’t bet the bottom dollar but al bet the doller 2 thirss of the way down

I’m betting my 2 thirds down doller

Big wig

What can you do with this

I’m sech a big wig hat my wig has its own jet.

I’m such a big wig that my wig own more wealth that half the county

Beggars can’t be choosers

I would like beg the question. (start begging. Whyyyyyy can’t beggers chooooooose)

Belle of the ball

Ball with a bell in it. Cat ball.

Bells and whistles

What can you do with this

Between a rock and a hard place

Why not just say you are between two hard places.

Is the other non rock side some unknown hard substance?

Between you, me and the bed-post

Quite, I don’t trust that bed-post.

That bedbost has shaddy bedfellows

Beyond a shadow of a doubt

I did not even know doubts had shadows.

Beyond belief

How many miles is that.

I’m packing up to go on a long journly. Further than anybody else has gone. I’m going beyond belief.

I estimated it is a bout 400 miles away.

Beyond the pale

That’s not very far. The pail is right there

bigger bang for your buck

Obvously you need a bigger bank for the buck. Buck are much bigger and more difficult to take down. You need like a shotgun, which has a big bang.

Bite the bullet

What can you do with it

Bite the dust

What can you do with it


Yes, that is because blood delivers oxygen to the mind

Blow your mind

What can to do with it

Blown to smithereens

I’m not sure if that is good or bad because I don’t know what a smithereen

Maybe it would be better to be many of such things

Blue blood

What can you do with this

Tie it together with fat cat and big wig. Spilver spoon in mouth

Bone dry

Bones are not always dry

I don’t think my bones are currenty dry

My focus is intense

Well stop focusing that way. Put 100% of the attention to this task and stop focusing in 10ths

Bread always falls buttered side down

You know how it goes, break always falls buttered side down

Break the ice

Break the ice statue at the start of a speech

“I always wanted to do that and it also breaks the ice”

Bring home the bacon

Breing home the bacon raped stakes

And some toilet paper!

Buck stops here

Is that because you shot it.

Where was the buck going?

Buckle down

Bucle up, because its time to bucle down

He is to fancy pancy

I prefer shorts

I’m trying to get a little fancy pancy but it is difficult wity short on

Can’t get too fancy pancy with half the pancies

Your being more then a baby

Your being a fetus

Real Estate

I’m not talking fake estate. This is no fanticy land

Would set the deadline

I prefer not to kill lines

They killed another line. Not this would has one more deadline. That’s all we need

Dedlines are like zombies coming back from the grave to torture us and eat our brains.

Lines, once killed,  are like zombies coming up from the grave to eat our brains and take our money, in the form of deadlines

Supper scarry things


Dinner bell, luch bell, breakfast bell

It is the same bell. Why does it have 3 names? Are you called a different name based on the time of day.

I just call it the food bell. I only stop for the food bell.

Willy Nilly Willy’s Nilly

You can’t just wave it all around like Wuilly’s nilly

Wishy washy

Who are you calling wishy washing. I have not showered in a week and I do not wish to

For the love of holly donuts

Holly golfcourse batman

I thought we were at a 9 hole and this terned out to be an 18er

Yes, we do seem to be caught in quit the sand trap

Basta Like Pasta that sticks to the wall

Nothing left of the dodo except petrified du du

Don’t you know know

There now nothing more of the do do

than petrified du du

Don’t let is happen to me and you you

Get a clue clue

I don’t mind if I do do (to do and poop)

You may use the restroom if you wish

Don’t mind if I do do

I’m going even if scared, thank you very much. Don’t mind if I do do

Dilly Dally vs Dally with my dilly

Some people like to dilly dally, but me, I prefer to dally with my dilly

Beat the living daylights out if him

Keep beating. I still see some daylight in him


I thought my butter fingers were a problem, but they do make my frencfires taste better.

By gum

I’m going to do it by gum.

Why does buying gum have anything to do with it.

By hook or by crook

I fish by hook or by crook. If I cant catch any by hook I steal from some other fishermans basket

By the book

I’m not going to buy the book. Stop trying to sell me on it.

By the short hairs

A painfull state but it is difficult to get a good grip on short hairs

Test test if I can count to 3 (1 2 3)

I passed

I hear people do that test all the time, so many people must not be able to do it and I total passed with ease.

I don’t care how may time the test is given. I can totaly do it

Testing 123

Testing 123

Testing 123

See. I’m a geniouse

Whats is that. The audio is not working. How the hell should I know.

It needs to be fair

Look at mister albino over here saying everything needs to be fair. Racist

Can’t hold a candle to it

Because it you did you would burn it

Carbon Footprint

He left a carbon footprint with his face

Carpe diem (seas the day)

Whatever. You’re a carpet demon

I’m going to do what I want to do.

Cart before the horse

What can you do with this

Cast the first stone

Stones can’t act. If you picking stones for a mouvy you are not casting stones

This guy thinks he is a producer, while he works on the set.

Cat out of the bag

How keeps their cat in a bag

Let me get this straight. You are mad at me for letting the cat out of the dirty old bag you ware keeping it in.


I love cheapskates. I bought my skate deck from Canada for $20

Chip off the old block

It is great you are a chip of the old block, but if you do not stop chiping the old block it will be no more then an old peble.

Chip on your shoulder

What is with the chip on your shoulder

Are you trying to get a bird to land on it? Like Marry Poppins

Clear blue water

If water is clear it is not blue


I like rockcliming too.

Close quarters

The qarters are stacked on top of each other. Cannot get much closer then that.

Cloud nine

Any cloud will do

Club sandwich

Why, what did the sandwich do to you? It looks like a good sandwich.

Cold comfort

Pool on a hot day

Cold feet

What can do with it

Cold shoulder

What can you do with it

Cold turkey

What can do

He is lying through is teeth, over his tongh, and out his mouth

Into the open air

Common sense

5 Sences

Its common sence. Which one sight, hearing, toch, taest

Cook the books

I love on books. I live on books

Once you learn how to cook them thay taste good

Cop an attitude

Of course cops have attitude. You would to if you could just hit somebody with a billy club for not licking your jokes.

Cost an arm and a leg

That is why to much. I’ll tell you what. I’ll willing to give you a pubic hair.


Whatever. As long as it still holds stuff it serve it purpose.

Curiosity killed the cat

You would be curios to if nobody was allowed to let you out of the bag.

Cut and run

Wow that is crazy. My mom told me never to run with scissors

Even worse is wen people cut to the chase. Chasing people with scissors was considered very bad.

Cut off your nose to spite your face

What in the world does that mean. He wanted to spite his face so he cut of his nose. Must be a plastic sergin.

Cut to the chase

Not they are running with sizers again

Cute as a bug’s ear

I don’t think you have actually looked at a bug with a microscope. They are ugly, ears included.

Darkest hour

Darkest hour is just before the dawn

That must have been when Bambies mom dies. Not fown, down

Dark side

What can do




We are reasing the stakes

Watch out vanmpires because we are raising the stakes

I like reasing stake a little at a time, with a fork, into my mouth.

The worlds is going to hell in a trick or treat basket

And that is horrable because I need that basket to hold candy

Otherwise know as a Vampire hunter

I’m a stake holder

I’m ready to go vampire hunting and eat lunch at the same time

That’s right I’m raising the stakes:  A wooden one in my left, a medium rare one in my right, both stakes rison & ready for action, vampire killing on the one hand, eating lunch on the other